i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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