Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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