So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize