Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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