apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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