Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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