i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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