We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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