there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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