I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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