My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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