im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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