he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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