im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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