When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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