DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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