so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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