fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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