i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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