i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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