so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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