Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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