btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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