the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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