idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize