1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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