someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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