The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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