I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize