this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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