a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
zippers are such a cool invention
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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