I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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