and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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