matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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