I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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