I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best revenge is premature balding
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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