I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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