I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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