I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize