Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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