I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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