i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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