i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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