I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize