No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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