the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize