You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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