Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize