Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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