Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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